Plantain-a-fuckin-licious

Ok. So yeah, I ripped this off a small New York Venezuelan restaurants' menu... But you and your friends will thank me:

-Fry or bake sweet plantains
(Buy yellow or brown plantains. Slicing and frying is traditional and delicious. As of late I've been baking mine by slicing, coating lightly in olive oil - sometimes with hot sauce or scliced up hot pepper- and pop it into a hot oven until they're browned)

-Season with salt
-Serve with sour cream and crumbled feta cheese

While it is generally gauche to tell folks how to eat there is clearly a sour cream-then-feta dipping order.

**And in case you're authentico gourmand feel free to use crema y queso fresco o panela.

Best. Snack. Ever.

Salty sweet buttery chocolate fluffy crunchy goodness...

Cook or coat the popcorn with coconut oil and toffee chocolate covered popcorn (yet again trader joes stalks my desires) and drink with a delicious cold Kona Brewing Co. Koko Brown ale.

Preferably pair with a night alone with the Mandy project on demand. Yeeees son.

A Pre-wife Singleton Must-do

Hide a roll of tp somewhere in your own house.

Because nobody's landlord is that nice.

Hamming It Up Post-Easter

Chop up one onion and some leftover ham... And black pepper

Add to a frying pan with olive oil and sizzle

Then add some greens... Whatever is about to go bad in the crisper (I used trader joes micro super greens)

Cut the moldy top off 2 tomatoes and chop (or fine, use NOT molding tomatoes... Bourgeois pig). Add to the pan

Add some cooked lentils (again TJ's saves the day here)

Once it's all warm dish it up! Serve with lemon juice, lime juice, siracha, or even a fried egg (whatever dog)

Easter Calories

Honestly, why isn't there a generic calorie counting category for shitty holiday candy? Comon people...