Plantain-a-fuckin-licious

Ok. So yeah, I ripped this off a small New York Venezuelan restaurants' menu... But you and your friends will thank me:

-Fry or bake sweet plantains
(Buy yellow or brown plantains. Slicing and frying is traditional and delicious. As of late I've been baking mine by slicing, coating lightly in olive oil - sometimes with hot sauce or scliced up hot pepper- and pop it into a hot oven until they're browned)

-Season with salt
-Serve with sour cream and crumbled feta cheese

While it is generally gauche to tell folks how to eat there is clearly a sour cream-then-feta dipping order.

**And in case you're authentico gourmand feel free to use crema y queso fresco o panela.

Best. Snack. Ever.

Salty sweet buttery chocolate fluffy crunchy goodness...

Cook or coat the popcorn with coconut oil and toffee chocolate covered popcorn (yet again trader joes stalks my desires) and drink with a delicious cold Kona Brewing Co. Koko Brown ale.

Preferably pair with a night alone with the Mandy project on demand. Yeeees son.

A Pre-wife Singleton Must-do

Hide a roll of tp somewhere in your own house.

Because nobody's landlord is that nice.

Hamming It Up Post-Easter

Chop up one onion and some leftover ham... And black pepper

Add to a frying pan with olive oil and sizzle

Then add some greens... Whatever is about to go bad in the crisper (I used trader joes micro super greens)

Cut the moldy top off 2 tomatoes and chop (or fine, use NOT molding tomatoes... Bourgeois pig). Add to the pan

Add some cooked lentils (again TJ's saves the day here)

Once it's all warm dish it up! Serve with lemon juice, lime juice, siracha, or even a fried egg (whatever dog)

Easter Calories

Honestly, why isn't there a generic calorie counting category for shitty holiday candy? Comon people...

Arrrrr!

It is almost worth violating the terms and conditions of my most current free dating site to show you the gentlemen callers I have attracted. Please select one below:

a. the chubby roller blader (yes - this is apparently still a thing)

b. Glasses McEyepatch

c. 90's sitcom dad

I don't jest. But I do acquiesce to some degree: I also received the nicest email that yes - even on my dusky cheeks - bloomed a blush. 

To love! ...hopefully sans eye patch

LW

The Brightside of Single... aside from keeping house poorly

As previously mentioned: I am not in fact a wife (outside of the future projections in my own head)


As a plucky woman of the 80's I'm always for getting out there to find that enigmatic man that appreciates quick wit and meals almost from scratch. But by June Cleaver this was too much - I had to share.

On a very popular albeit pedestrian dating site a man expressed interest in meeting me.

While I can take any form I wish I have the highest utmost standards for my male arm candy. What can I say? I like em beautiful.

This man...


This man looks like an atrophied thirty something turtle (both with and without the beard). He was slightly gingery (don't be creepy - you know that's nasty). His eyes looked like he'd been up all night imagining your relationship including robust scenes of how he was cheated on and then planning his revenge.

Not a winner winner chicken dinner.

But then it got better: he's an artist.

Included voluntarily is the image below.

I really should just stop writing. This does deserve a drop of the mike, but I just can't help myself?! Wwwwwho? Wwwwhat? Wwwwhy??? I sputter. Also what's the focus on detailed hands. Does this mean something? Can that crime show with [Dharma's] Greg and Shemar Moore profile him? I need insight. No, actually I don't.

His interests include glasses and piercing. He writes, "I can be intense" in his profile. You think?

If posting this is wrong I don't wanna be right... but I do wanna be single. Toasting my lack of cray cray boyfriend with chilled white wine with a drop of cranberry sauce (don't hate - he'll get you if you do).